Whether you are in a narcissistic relationship, or you know someone with narcissistic tendencies, this book is packed with incredibly helpful information. Chelsey clearly lays out how to spot a narcissist, understanding how and why they behave the way they do, as well as ways to set your own clear boundaries and begin the healing work you need to break free and move on from any trauma they have inflicted. I highlighted a good portion of several sections of the book, and there were many times I had to put it down so I could fully digest the information I had read. I will be referring back to this book for continued help with the toxic relationships in my life.

Thank you NetGalley and BooksGoSocial for my copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

Divided into three parts, the book exposes the tactics narcissists use to manipulate and control, provides coping skills for survival, and offers strategies for minimising the emotional pain caused by these toxic relationships. Not really a text for therapists but perfect for newcomers to the topic and to share with clients.

If Only I'd Known is a good book for those who are learning about narcissism and toxic relationships. It describes some ways on how to set boundaries and other ways on how to deal with these people.

This book extends beyond mere identification of narcissists (though it does that well), guiding readers through the process of setting guilt-free boundaries, understanding trauma bonds, and ultimately reclaiming a sense of self-worth. With a compassionate and knowledgeable approach, Cole addresses the often-overlooked nuances of different narcissistic types and provides practical strategies for breaking free from toxic relationships. For anyone who has ever questioned their worth or wondered how to navigate the challenging path of healing, "If Only I'd Known" is a must-read, offering guidance, support, and a roadmap towards reclaiming one's life after narcissistic abuse.

Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the opportunity to review a temporary digital ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.

I really found the personal experiences included in every topic really added to understanding what the author was talking about. Really interesting and helpful.

This book was very helpful in explaining how the narcissists in our lives can make us feel like we are the ones who are the "problem" when it is actually that we need to recognize the signs of toxic behavior and how to use appropriate boundaries to protect ourselves from further trauma. There we excellent examples and ideas to apply to support those who are experiencing this journey in their lives.

Thank you to Netgalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

A well-written insightful book on how to deal with a narcissist, how to deal with it step by step. A must read.

All of us have experienced a toxic relationship with a narcissist (and not always aware of it) and the second-guessing and damage that it causes to our sense of well-being and self-esteem. This could be a parent, a partner, a boss, a teacher or a friend. What is helpful in this book is it identifies situations and types of narcissist behavior so we can recognize it in past and current relationships. The key here is learning how to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. This book provides that help and guidance.

Thank you to Netgalley and BooksGoSocial for an ARC and I left this review voluntarily.

This a great healing tool, that will help with understanding and moving forward for all survivors of narcissistic abuse. Not only does this break down what the different forms narcissistic abuse can take, it provides you with the steps to overcome the lasting trauma resulting from it. I appreciated that examples were included – sometimes it’s difficult to realize the situation you’re in, or just left was in fact abusive, even though those on the outside may have recognized it sooner than you.

Thank you Netgalley for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.

The book delves into the experiences and problems of people in narcissistic relationships, covering feelings of bewilderment, self-doubt, and mental tiredness. It discusses several kinds of narcissists, warning indicators, and narcissistic trauma bonding.
Cole provides actionable tactics for breaking free from toxic relationships, establishing boundaries, and recovering personal control. It is especially beneficial for empaths and extremely sensitive people since it provides direction on how to set boundaries effectively without sacrificing empathy. The pragmatism and accessibility of the book make it approachable and valuable, with real-life examples and scenarios for applying lessons to personal issues.

This brilliantly written book is a must-read for anyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse, whether it be in the workplace, in your social circles, or at home.

Chelsey provides validation and information for those stuck in confusing and chaotic relationships; for those who have lost their entire sense of self-worth; and for those who need clarification on whether what they are feeling is normal.

She provides passionate insight into the inner workings of a narcissist, and her writing brings a sense of calm to the chaos that has become of your mind, as well as providing processes to assist you in your healing journey.

Thank you Netgalley for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

This book was really easy to read. I would recommend it to anyone starting to date/ are in your twenties. Chelsey does a great job explaining the behaviour narcissists use to gaslight and control people. The stories included help show the reader what that behaviour might look like in everyday life. There are QR codes included in the book for further research. In addition, the research used by the author was included at the back of the book.

If I had Only Known is an incredible book that has helped me to start the healing process after being in a relationship with a narcissist for 25 years.
Chelsey writes from her heart (and personal experience). The steps in her book not only cause to think but let you realize that it is possible to escape!
Chelsey’s writing makes it more than a self-help book as it is one that you will be able to read several times and get new insights each time! It is a valuable resource for your healing journey!

Chelsey will take you by the hand step by step describing the type of narcissists, how and why they get narcissistic supply, the definition of narcissistic abuse, trauma bonding, and finally talks about how to heal from all of this. Chelsey normalizes what the individuals in these relationships are going through. She masterfully breaks down the steps on how to survive and thrive despite narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding. You will walk away not only feeling this is doable but realizing you may have already begun to take some of these steps without realizing it. Most importantly she lets you know you’re not alone and it’s okay to be in whatever stage of healing you’re in with or without the narcissist still being in your life.

Coming from a dark place, I felt very much alone in my experiences. While reading “If Only I’d Known!”, I felt validated because it was as though Chelsey had been there with me – describing the identical things I endured. I didn’t know what it was and certainly didn’t know what to call it. Her insight has brought significant clarity to my world.

Over the years I struggled to understand why I was being treated the way I was – none of it made any sense. ”If Only I’d Known!” is an excellent read for anyone working on trying to understand “The Why” behind behaviors they are experiencing.

From family roles and patterns to surviving narcissistic abuse – how can I move on? Strategies are aimed toward not only recovery but doing so with one’s dignity and self-respect intact. Explaining how our focus lends itself toward our healing, we learn how to give ourselves compassion and understanding as we travel down the road to recovery. Once I finished this book, the constant that played over and over for me was, ‘If Only I’d Known!’.

For some time now, I have been following Chelsey Brooke Cole on social media. She is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse therapy who helps survivors heal and thrive after abuse. I am so glad that Chelsey has written a book all about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from such abuse. This book is a good starting point for anyone who needs help sorting through their thoughts and feelings regarding narcissistic abuse and is definitely one to keep on hand to refer to time and again.

This book is meaningfully divided into three parts:

Part One: The Inner Workings of a Narcissist
Part Two: Finding Yourself
Part Three: Healing Your Past, Present, and Future

In Part One, Chelsey clearly explains the different types of narcissists and gives real-life examples of how you can tell if someone is exhibiting narcissistic traits. Furthermore, she explains how these behaviors can affect a victim of abuse. In Part Two, Chelsey explains how to break the trauma bond and find your strength to move forward after narcissistic abuse. She talks about setting boundaries, and how to protect yourself from future potential abuse. In Part Three, Chelsey goes further into the healing process, and teaches you how to grow into a healthier you after finding yourself and offers encouragement to continue to seek help from other resources as well.

Overall, I feel that this book is a must-read for anyone who has been involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, whether or not you know for sure that they are a narcissist. Chelsey speaks not only from the perspective of a professional psychotherapist but also from personal experience herself, so you can feel a sense of comfort knowing she speaks with genuine understanding of what you have gone through (or are still going through). You can feel her kindness and compassion throughout the book as she guides you through each chapter.

I look forward to reading more of her work and will continue to follow her on social media for additional resources.

When your realization and acknowledgment of a relationship with a narcissist begins, it’s extremely necessary and helpful to gain knowledge. Knowledge is truly power; power to understand, process, protect yourself and begin to heal. Whether it’s from previous or current relationships, emotional abuse from a narcissist leaves lasting trauma that needs healing. Reading books, researching through various social media platforms, listening to podcasts and personal reflection are essential. I found Chelsey Brooke Cole on Facebook while searching for answers about my own personal experiences with a narcissist. Her content led me to sign up for her emails and I diligently followed her content on Facebook and Instagram. I started reading every book I could to help me begin to understand what was happening in my relationship, acknowledge patterns in my current and past relationships and how to cope and eventually create healthy boundaries for myself to heal. I was so fortunate to be a part of the pre-launch team for Chelsey’s new book, “If I’d Only Known”. If even just the title resonates with you, be prepared for connecting deeply with each page of this book. It truly led me into a place of healing. By sharing her professional perspectives and knowledge along with her own personal experiences regarding narcissists, she provides clarity, validation and guidance for those of us who find ourselves or loved ones in relationships with a narcissist. Her actionable insights and advice will help you begin the journey to becoming yourself again and realizing your own value, self worth, and self love. There are many books out there, but this one should be the first one you should read if you want more than just information about a narcissist. Use this book as a map for your own personal journey and story by doing the hard work and applying her knowledge and detailed steps to your own life. It is not always easy to process through so many different emotions but Chelsey’s book should be required reading for anyone dealing with a narcissist and feels stuck, lost, confused or alone and overwhelmed. I’m in a healthy journey back to myself with deep gratitude for learning from Chelsey and her incredible book, “If I’d Only Known”.

Chelsey brings to light the devastation that Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) brings into one's life but with her professional knowledge, the straight facts about narcissism, and wise guidance, Chelsey navigates all the aspects of this NPD in such a clear and concise manner.

Her book is loaded with real information and she offers relatable examples and personal stories where readers will have many 'a-ha' moments. NPD is like peeling an onion and discovering so many layers and Chelsey does exactly that...for us!!

The book is real!!...how could this happen to me??....how did I get involved with such a person??....how did I lose myself and who I once was??...why didn't I see or pay attention to the red flags??...well you are not alone...read this book and embrace all the knowledge it offers...and start healing!!

Great job Chelsey, you have helped me, and so many people to deal with, and begin to overcome this experience. You have paved a way for people to makes some sort of sense of all this confusion and grasp the understanding of this discombobulating NPD.

Thank you,

Dee

Chelsey Brooke Cole's book is amazingly easy to read , considering the subject.
It really helps learn about the narcissists's behavioral patterns and helps recognize the signs that you can feel when you face one. Something we should be taught early in life.
Most of all, the books gives tools and tips to start healing from emotional abuse.
Her words relate so much.
When you read, it feels like she's here, next to you, ready and willing to listen and help you go through the pain you're experiencing and at the same time, you know she'll be there when you have healed too.
The book actually helps outsmart narcs and set boundaries to protect yourself and save your inner peace.
The best read of the year for me

Have you ever wondered just what a Narcissist is, or suspect you have been a victim in a Narcissistic relationship? In my case I hadn't even come across the terminology Narcissist until I was researching my own personality trait of being an Empath having just come out of a very abusive friendship. If Only I'd Known by Chelsey Brooke Cole provides excellent information on Narcissists in an easy to read format that can be readily understood. Taking one through descriptions of the various Narcissistic personalities, their behaviour towards their victims, the thought processes of the Narcissist, from the lack of empathy, unaccountability, gaslighting of the victim, and discard stages. The book then goes onto explaining why very sensitive people such as Empaths are prone to being targeted by the Narcissist, how to prevent that by setting healthy boundaries, and how to move onto healing from Narcissistic abuse.
For me, personally, the book ticked a lot of boxes and had more than a few 'Wow!' moments. I can thoroughly recommend the book as a must read to anyone who has been in a Narcissistic relationship, or is presently in one. If Only I'd Known will certainly open your eyes.