This book is difficult to review…as I was sent the wrong book by NetGalley.

The book I was sent PDA in the Family was boring and unrelatable as I am in the US and not familiar with foreign systems. It focused too much on personal stories.

I had really high hopes for this as a parent of a teen with PDA, but, instead of learning more about PDA, I learned more about the authors personal experience with her daughter. The author was not able to extrapolate from her personal experiences and make it more universal.

To be frank, I'm not sure I was given the correct book? The requested title was "Navigating PDA in America" but the book itself had only experiences from a family in England and their schooling system. The authors listed on the requested book are Ruth Fidler & Diane Gould, the one I was given by Netgalley is authored by Steph Curtis.

I'll try to evaluate the book I was given, disregarding the discrepancy between the request and the file given.

It was a memoir of a mother of 2 daughters, one neurotypical (Tamsin), the other autistic (Sasha) with titular PDA (persistent demand avoidance) syndrome. There was also 1 chapter from the father's pov.

I found the description of their everyday life challenges due to the daughter's PDA enlightening and especially the last chapters talking about social interactions and possible solutions for parents / caretakers / teachers useful.

The concept that people with PDA are "not motivated by a system of rewards and punishments" feels relatable to me - I could never implement successfully methods in my life other people used like "reward yourself for an accomplishment", "set yourself a deadline", "use an accountability buddy" etc. In many cases I would either internally feel "this isn't important" and not do it, or the opposite "this is important and I'm falling behind / failing at it" which would make me completely shut down. I work better with coaxing than pressure, but I do realize I don't work "as well" as neurotypical people and the society won't give me a discount.

Sadly, the book doesn't really look into the mind of the PDAer, what do they think, feel, what motivates them. It's all about mom's struggles with the daughter, with the system (education, healthcare, etc.) and with not fitting into typical society's idea of a typical family, and very little about how the daughter actually feels. A few times when the subject was broached, there are quotes of the daughter saying she's unable to express her feelings and that was it. (Alexithymia happens among ND people where they either are disconnected from their feelings or unable to verbalize them, so there could be a grain of truth in this.)

I feel the middle was repetitive and mostly the author (mom) venting how the daughter leaves every event and social gathering after 10 minutes, how she meltdowns by rolling in a ball and screaming, and how some people don't understand it's a real condition and not the kid "throwing a tantrum and being naughty". At 60% I was so bored of the repetitive descriptions of what was frankly the same problem in a slightly different coat I skimmed to the later chapters which were more useful.

We get it, your daughter doesn't like social gatherings, loud noises and brushing teeth, and she likes music, McDonald's fries and playing on her ipad. Maybe these snippets made more sense when they were scattered blog posts, as the author claims to be a blogger, but consolidated it was extremely repetitive and moreover, not really useful.

The actual advice was contained in one, final chapter, and some also in bullet points after each chapter. Truly, so much of this book felt like filler to make it book-length instead of a pamphlet or a series of blog posts.

There's also no real conclusion because the daughter is still a teenager and still doesn't have her schooling situation resolved, which means there's no closure to this story. Not sure why publish this book now instead of waiting few years more, except to capitalize on the author's blog's momentum which might fade over time, or to cash grab on a half-made memoir.

Also, truly, I don't know how is it useful advice to let the kid have their way and always win in every game. I think one grain of truth is that the author worries her daughter will never be independent and with the portrayed situation she indeed won't be, because the world will not accommodate her as mom does.

I have a milder case of PDA / RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) that often happens in neurodivergent people and I learned the hard way people don't care if they hurt my feelings, but will care a lot if I supposedly hurt theirs with any minor slight (for example telling them you won't show up to a social gathering - I'm not even saying about ghosting or leaving after 10 minutes, just telling them you won't come because you know you will have issues handling it).

Also I felt sorry for the neurotypical daughter, Tamsin, because as much as the author tried to convince us she gave quality time to Tamsin and tried the best for her daughters, it seemed Tamsin was either left neglected as the kid who causes no issue, or was forced to accommodate Sasha's moods and resign from things she deserved just not to cause trouble with Sasha.

It's a very common thing when parents have a child with special needs that the one without it is constantly made to go with less parental attention while being burdened with extra care duties for their sibling (scenes where Tamsin had to lose enjoyment from a game or leave a movie in the cinema to accommodate Sasha, or made play with younger children just so Sasha has company).

I get a parent wants to find a way to limit meltdowns, disturbance of family life and mental health crises of both themselves and the child and any other member of the family, and I hope Sasha manages to find a way to life her life the way she wants (which seems to be sitting at home and making youtube videos?), but overall I'm pessimistic about children like her being able to live their way on their terms - the world won't let them, and then, what will you do? I wish we were presented some coping strategies except "tell other people your child has a condition and hope they'll accommodate for it". Yes, we live in an ableist world and we have to find ways to navigate it instead of hoping it won't be this way.

Thank you Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the ARC.

Navigating PDA in America is a crucial resource for anyone involved in the care and support of demand-avoidant autistic individuals. Ruth Fidler and Diane Gould offer a compassionate, practical, and neurodiversity-affirming approach that will undoubtedly become a valuable guide as awareness of PDA grows in the United States. This book is not just an educational tool but a beacon of hope and understanding for families and educators seeking to navigate the complexities of PDA with empathy and effectiveness.

This book gave me a lightbulb moment for me because I was feel so lost with my child. When I started reading about PDA, I realized that is what they have and I felt so validated and not alone in the struggles I've been feeling as a parent. This book was A+ for that reason alone and then I thought it just kept getting better and felt more informed the more I read. I am so grateful for this book coming into my life when it did.

This is such a well written book. As someone who works with Autistic kids, knowing more about this profile is going to help me understand my clients so much more. It's also helping me understand myself as an Autistic adult better. A great read for anyone who works with kids of any support needs.

It's important to mention at the outset that the book is written by someone who has a child she believes fits a PDA profile, rather than identifying as having PDA herself. Also, within the autistic community, opinion is divided on the legitimacy of a PDA diagnosis.
It's an interesting book to look at from a perspective of whether PDA is the best explanation for the way someone presents. For example, Sasha doesn't seem to thrive on routine like some autistic children. This could be PDA or it could be ADHD. All autistic people will have some demand avoidance, particularly when stressed.
I was a bit confused by the title because I think this is "PDA in the family" and I asked to review a US-based book.
However this book is interesting and the chapters are usefully organised.
Even things like getting an EHCP and going to tribunal are very useful to know about.

I highly recommend this well-organised and thought book about the experiences around PDA - the challenges, the assessment, the lived experience examples, parenting those with PDA - this book offers good insights, tips and I took away tips for families who have more challenges than others.