I Stop Somewhere

Fellow book lovers— please can we not let this extremely powerful and raw YA book slip by unnoticed?

I'm sitting here with goosebumps along my arms from the experience of reading this book. It's been so long since I read a YA novel with such strong writing and such a distinct style as I Stop Somewhere; it's hard to believe this is a debut.

I would liken this to another dark contemporary about the ugly corners of teenage girldom - What Girls Are Made Of - which I also believe is greatly under-appreciated. Both books are largely introspective; they crawled under my skin and took me back to all the painful longing, insecurities, and anxiety of my teen years. It's almost an understatement to call this book "dark" or "disturbing" and I must issue a warning to any readers sensitive to scenes of graphic sexual abuse.

Many reviews will tell you that this is a book about rape culture, about misogyny, wealth, class, and privilege. It's true-- it is a book about all of that. But there have been many other books looking at those themes and, especially following the #metoo movement, there will undoubtedly be many more. No, where this book stood out to me was as an intricate portrait of a girl's mind. Ellie desires, hopes, dreams, and regrets throughout the story and I connected to her on a level I almost wish I didn't.

The story moves between the past and present - the present being the aftermath of a horrendous crime that has left Ellie trapped. As someone who was always overlooked and ignored because she was a chubby girl from a poor family, it seems no one is looking for Ellie. She has to witness more and more assaults and hope that somehow someone speaks up so she can be found and others can be saved.

Through Ellie, Carter looks at a number of things. She explores the way society treats girls and puts their personality and lifestyle on trial in rape cases. She explores how easily we dismiss their bodies as things to be taken, cast aside, or consumed as desired. I particularly loved the references to the rhyme of “sugar and spice and everything nice”, calling us to ask what a girl is really made of and concluding, of course, that it's a whole lot of things.

It's a horrible book, to be sure. A horrible, painful, beautifully-written, necessary book. Read it. And when you're done, read the author's note too.

"There has to be an end to this. There has to be a finite number of girls. There has to be a limit to how many times I can hear the word no. There has to be a limit to how many times this can happen".

I don't even know how to convey into words how much this message needed to be spread, and still does, and how much it makes my heart ache to know that these kinds of terrible things get brushed under the carpet, excused or blamed on the victim for something as ridiculous as wearing a pretty dress.

Ellie tells the story of her life, from start to finish, and recounts (as a ghost of sorts) the events leading up to her death and some thereafter. Ellie has a remarkable voice in that she encompasses the teenage vulnerability that so many young people experience - that desire to be pretty, wanted or just to be on someones radar for the right reasons, instead of because you didn't make the cut in this week's "hottest girls" list the guys pass around the class. It kicks you right in the gut.

The author captures perfectly the dismissive, callous nature of popular school kids whilst still showing their complexity too. I'm sure we've all as teenagers felt like a misfit, but even more so been treated as one instead of being embraced for being ourselves. They also capture the dismissive, callous nature of rape perpetrators and, sometimes, that of those looking in from the outside at such a case who poorly judge a girl for her pretty dress or high heeled shoes instead of the perpetrator for their actions.

"There's no talk of a "murder culture". No one says that you asked for murder. What you wear doesn't excuse being killed."

This isn't an easy book to read. There are moments when you're not sure you can even continue with it actually because you feel so angry, and so utterly helpless as the story unravels. And maybe books like these only scratch the surface on what it means to be affected by something so horrific, to be judged for it, to be brushed aside, to be type-cast. But it certainly was compelling, and awful and loud to me - and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it.

This was such a wonderfully written look at rape culture which also deals with grief, the need to fit in, positions of power in towns and family relationships. Its a very tough read and at times I literally ached for the characters (especially the main character Ellie's father.)
Flashing back and forth between when the rape happened was so effective. We see Ellie as a young girl really close with her father who is bringing her up on his own and then entering her teenage years when she begins to pull away from him and gets her first boyfriend.
Its a very devastating book to read but also an important one.

Amazing book and incredibly timely.
Hard subject matter but with campaigns such as #metoo and #time'sup this is something very much in the public consciousness right now.
Very important reading and something that should be compulsory in schools.
Shocking, raw, visceral.