I found this real life account of what it’s like to be in an open marriage very interesting. Whilst I didn’t agree with how it all initially came about I did like the way that they kept changing and growing together whilst always communicating to each other how they were feeling and what their fears were. It’s always good to break the mould, long may their happiness continue.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for an advanced digital copy in exchange for an honest review.

Ask Me How It Works by Deepa Paul is a raw, honest, and thought-provoking memoir that provides an intimate look into a life that, while unconventional, is grounded in communication, honesty, and love. The premise of the book—Deepa balancing a relationship with both her husband and her boyfriend—might challenge some readers, but it offers a beautifully told exploration of personal desires, the complexities of relationships, and the importance of self-understanding.

What stood out to me most was how Deepa highlights the constant evolution of her marriage. She shares how her relationship with her husband, once rooted in traditional expectations, transformed over time as they both explored their desires. Their ability to communicate openly, without shame or guilt, about their feelings and fears resonated with me. It is refreshing to see a couple embrace change and growth together, even when faced with difficult questions. This memoir challenges the traditional notion of what a marriage "should" look like and instead celebrates the idea that relationships can be dynamic and multifaceted.

Although I did not personally agree with how Deepa's open marriage began, I deeply appreciated her vulnerability in telling this story. This book is not just about the logistics of an open relationship; it is about how Deepa navigated her desires and what it meant to be a mother, lover, and partner. The honesty with which she explores her own identity and the evolution of her marriage is inspiring. It is not always easy to ask for what you truly want, and her journey toward sexual liberation was particularly empowering in its openness.

The reflections on how Deepa transitioned between identities—mother, lover, wife—offered a powerful reminder of the complexity of personal growth. Relationships often demand reinvention, and this memoir makes you think deeply about how to navigate that process. It is an eye-opening book, making readers question traditional relationship structures while showing that there are many ways to find happiness and fulfilment.

If you are looking for a memoir that challenges conventional ideas about relationships, Ask Me How It Works is a fascinating and thought-provoking read. While it might not resonate with everyone, it offers a perspective that is full of courage, authenticity, and compassion. This book stays with you long after you finish reading.

Read more at The Secret Book Review.

There has been quite a few memoirs published on non-monogamous relationships over the last couple years, and this is the best one I've read.

Ask Me How It Works tells the story about how a woman listened to her authentic self and adventured down the unconventional path of opening her marriage. What sets it apart from other similar books is her reflection on the societal, familial, cultural influences that touched her on this journey, and her own unique life story. I was deeply touched and found myself laughing and crying.

I feel so grateful to be able to read womens' stories like this!!

Note on ARC: I'm sure this will be corrected for the final copy but there was a large amount of grammatical/spelling errors, mostly words being joined together, spaces removed. Also, the cover is really amazing! Thanks!

What an absolute masterpiece of a book. This memoir was such an emotional rollercoaster - so tender, so wise, so perception challenging, so mind opening… I adored it. What a spectacular exploration of the many faces of womanhood, and what a brave and open recounting of a truly fascinating life and voyage into and through an open marriage. Now I just want to be friends with Deepa :) Will definitely be recommending!!

A huge thank you to Deepa Paul, Penguin General UK - Fig Tree, Hamish Hamilton, Viking & NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Ask Me How It Works: Love in an Open Marriage is a raw, honest, and thought-provoking dive into non-monogamy. The author lays it all out—vulnerability, love, jealousy, communication—and doesn’t shy away from the messy parts.

I found the writing lovely to read and there was a frankness to the book which I really enjoyed despite finding it a bit uncomfortable at times.

I love a book that makes me think, makes me question my own views and consider other perspectives and this book did exactly that