I found this real life account of what it’s like to be in an open marriage very interesting. Whilst I didn’t agree with how it all initially came about I did like the way that they kept changing and growing together whilst always communicating to each other how they were feeling and what their fears were. It’s always good to break the mould, long may their happiness continue.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for an advanced digital copy in exchange for an honest review.

Ask Me How It Works by Deepa Paul is a raw, honest, and thought-provoking memoir that provides an intimate look into a life that, while unconventional, is grounded in communication, honesty, and love. The premise of the book—Deepa balancing a relationship with both her husband and her boyfriend—might challenge some readers, but it offers a beautifully told exploration of personal desires, the complexities of relationships, and the importance of self-understanding.

What stood out to me most was how Deepa highlights the constant evolution of her marriage. She shares how her relationship with her husband, once rooted in traditional expectations, transformed over time as they both explored their desires. Their ability to communicate openly, without shame or guilt, about their feelings and fears resonated with me. It is refreshing to see a couple embrace change and growth together, even when faced with difficult questions. This memoir challenges the traditional notion of what a marriage "should" look like and instead celebrates the idea that relationships can be dynamic and multifaceted.

Although I did not personally agree with how Deepa's open marriage began, I deeply appreciated her vulnerability in telling this story. This book is not just about the logistics of an open relationship; it is about how Deepa navigated her desires and what it meant to be a mother, lover, and partner. The honesty with which she explores her own identity and the evolution of her marriage is inspiring. It is not always easy to ask for what you truly want, and her journey toward sexual liberation was particularly empowering in its openness.

The reflections on how Deepa transitioned between identities—mother, lover, wife—offered a powerful reminder of the complexity of personal growth. Relationships often demand reinvention, and this memoir makes you think deeply about how to navigate that process. It is an eye-opening book, making readers question traditional relationship structures while showing that there are many ways to find happiness and fulfilment.

If you are looking for a memoir that challenges conventional ideas about relationships, Ask Me How It Works is a fascinating and thought-provoking read. While it might not resonate with everyone, it offers a perspective that is full of courage, authenticity, and compassion. This book stays with you long after you finish reading.

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