
Frighten the Horses
A Memoir of Transition
by Oliver Radclyffe
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Pub Date 27 Feb 2025 | Archive Date 2 Mar 2025
Atlantic Books | Grove Press UK
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Description
'This book is as sharp as razors, but it also pulses with a passionate, desperate, human urgency for truth and liberation. I am deeply grateful to have read it' Elizabeth Gilbert
As the daughter of two well-to-do English parents and the wife of a handsome, successful man, Oliver Radclyffe checked every box – marriage, children (four) and a white-picket fence surrounding a stately home in Connecticut.
But beneath the shiny veneer, Oliver’s hair was falling out in clumps, he couldn’t eat and his mood swings often brought him to tears. And then, on an otherwise unremarkable afternoon, Oliver Radclyffe realised the life he was living wasn’t his own.
Frighten the Horses is a trans man’s coming of age story, about a housewife who initially comes out as a lesbian and tentatively steps into the world of queerness. With growing courage and the support of his newfound community, Oliver is finally able to face the question of his gender identity and become the man he is supposed to be.
A warm, sharply written memoir about embracing one’s truest self in a world that demands gender fit in neat boxes.
Advance Praise
'Consistently frank, vulnerable, perspicacious and insightful... a stunning memoir about discovering one's identity late in life' Kirkus Reviews (starred review)
'Radclyffe's moving devotion to his children ("I didn't so much guide them as encourage them to guide themselves") lends the resonant coming-out narrative additional weight. Bolstered by poetic prose and offhanded candor, this story of late-in-life self-acceptance deserves a wide audience' Publishers Weekly
'It's the voice that makes this memoir stand out. This is a writer who can capture any moment with a dazzling, insightful, at times musical phrase' Oprah Daily
'There's great power in Radclyffe's vulnerable and generous portrayal of his trans experience...readers will be grateful for it' Booklist
'Wise, generous and fierce, Frighten the Horses is about more than a change of gender; it's about the perilous process of accepting the self, in all its gnarly, glorious complexity. Oliver Radclyffe finds more than manhood on his inspiring journey; what he finds, in the end, is his humanity' Jennifer Finney Boylan, author of She's Not There and co-author of Mad Honey
'The finest literary telling of the experience of gender transition that I've ever read. It's a terrific, expansive story because the focus of this warm-hearted man always returns to his children. He's simply a wonderful parent, and that's what keeps the reader turning the pages' Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw
'In this exquisite memoir of a trans-man, an upper middle-class Englishwoman gives up her country, her status, her wealth, her marriage, her new lesbian identity (and partner) in order to release and achieve her true male self. Oliver Radclyffe would be a major writer no matter what subject he embraced' Edmund White, author of The Humble Lover
'This easy-to-read, almost jocular memoir is a tribute to how much the trans trajectory has been transformed by the existence of queer bookstores, lesbian and transmasc books, LGBT centres and their accompanying support groups...This hopeful retelling of one life, from the post-transition perspective, makes transness a more viable possibility and documents this historical moment of opportunity and resource' Sarah Schulman, author of Let the Record Show
'Brimming with wry wit, radical candour and vulnerability, Frighten the Horses is a fearless exploration of the liberation that comes from unwinding the narratives that we don't choose but so often define us, and the beautiful new futures that exist on the horizon of our imaginations - if we are only willing to risk everything to open our eyes, and really, really look' Thomas Page McBee, author of Amateur
'Enjoyable to read and well-written...Radclyffe writes movingly about parenting and the emotional risks of every step he takes toward affirming his maleness...[A]s a testament to midlife transition - especially in a time when so much of the cultural conversation around gender rights focuses on young people - Radclyffe's memoir offers a valuable alternate narrative to the loss and pain that queer history has too often insisted on' New York Times
Available Editions
EDITION | Paperback |
ISBN | 9781804710883 |
PRICE | £16.99 (GBP) |
PAGES | 352 |
Links
Available on NetGalley
Featured Reviews

Frighten the Horses by Oliver Radclyffe is a moving memoir following his transition in his 40s.
Radclyffe's writing straddles the past and present making for a compelling read you feel emotionally invested in from the beginning. 'Frighten the Horses' is a title inspired by the phrase that means to cause public outrage or offence; this is very timely with the new administration in the USA where trans lives are threatened and endangered even more so. Radclyffe's memoir is incredibly important as it highlights the existence of life-saving groups which saved his life, and the lives and sanity of many others. It reminds all how important community care must remain, especially as Radclyffe's experience also demonstrates how isolating transition can be and how integral safe spaces and relationships are.
Radclyffe does not shy away from questioning his internalised homophobia and transphobia during transition too. This, in particular, is what provides this memoir with a sense of 'required reading' for many. As it asks the questions many who are not sure about gender and body dysphoria, or have little understanding about transition, likely have.
Thus, Frighten the Horses is a book for everyone, and should be read by everyone. It is sincere and it is hopeful; I am grateful to Radclyffe for sharing his story with us.

Frighten the Horses follows the many transitions of Oliver Radclyffe, from carefree country bumpkin, to rebellious biker, stay at home wife, to queer woman and finally a trans man. This book is an important piece of representation and I learned a lot reading it. This book is both profound, heartbreaking, witty and informative. I found myself rooting for Oliver to overcome his struggles and find himself and his peace. He is remarkably honest throughout, and I particularly appreciated that he acknowledges his various privileges and takes accountability for his decisions and behaviours.
As a trans masculine person myself, there was plenty here that echoed my own experiences but lots to learn from too. I'd recommend to both other queer people and to people looking to learn more about a transmasculine and trans identities.
Many thanks to Netgalley and Grove Press UK for the eARC in exchange for an honest review.

So incredible. I often feel like there is a huge hole in the genre at the moment where transmasc voices aren’t given the platform they deserve and I am so glad that Radclyffe is a figurehead for filling that hole. A masterful storyteller with such a profound outlook of his life and transition, I adored it.

I learned so much from this memoir. Radclyffe is very open about his experiences and the slow transition which was held back not only by external factors but also by his own internalised biases about the LGBTQIA+ community.
The struggle between considering his own needs versus those of his family and other loved ones was one I felt Radclyffe addressed very thoughtfully. Including some of the conversations that were had between Radclyffe and his children, partners and parents was a great way to include questions many of us may have about transitioning or coming out as gay.
I will definitely be recommending this memoir far and wide.

Frighten the Horses is, on the surface, an account of a trans man coming out after decades of struggle. Oliver shares how he grappled with day to day difficulties and even physical illness caused by striving to be the person society told him he was supposed to be. This memoir is far more than a coming-out story. It’s rare to find a book that makes you feel as though you’re not just reading, but living within its pages. Frighten the Horses is one of the most captivating and unputdownable memoirs I have ever encountered.
Oliver’s storytelling and the way he structures his narrative create an experience so immersive and powerful that I found it nearly impossible to put the book down. This memoir is an emotional rollercoaster in the best possible way, from trans joy that leaps off the page, often creeping up on the reader in the most tender and unexpected moments, to entire chapters I read with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Oliver has an outstanding ability to pull the reader alongside him through every triumph and heartbreak. His portrayal of both his family and his chosen family is breathtaking, at times beautiful, at others deeply painful, but always honest and deeply felt. I know I’ll be thinking about this book for a long time to come.
My one critique is the use of sanist language in one instance. When describing sorting his possessions into piles, the author refers to his home as looking like it belonged to ‘the demented hoarders in E.L. Doctorow’s Homer and Langley’. Not being personally familiar with the Collyer brothers, I was disappointed to find that the author chose to refer to two real people with very real mental health disorders as ‘demented’. This moment felt out of place in an otherwise deeply thoughtful and compassionate book.
Overall, I would widely recommend this insightful and necessary memoir. As always, be sure to check Content and Trigger Warnings before diving in.
Thanks to NetGalley and Atlantic Books for the e-ARC. All opinions are my own.
TWs/CWs: Graphic: Sexual content and Dysphoria. Moderate: Ableism, Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, and Transphobia. Minor: Drug use

Poor Oliver .
He really went through the mill.
As an English mother of 4 the other was really changed from that from him finding out he was a lesbian and dating woman but then realised he was a transgender man .
It was a really sad but inspirational read .
I loved Oliver so much.
His husband and parents really really supportive and the 4 children.
I adored this book so much.
I will definitely buy a physical copy or ecopy of the finished results .