Docile

Memoir of a Not So Perfect Asian Girl

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Pub Date 24 Apr 2025 | Archive Date 20 Apr 2025

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Description

From Texas sugar cane fields, Ivy League halls to her homeland of South Korea and back again this memoir is a journey through identity crises, mental health struggles, and the quest for selfhood.

Born to Korean immigrant parents, Hyeseung spends her early years in the sugar cane fields of Texas, caught between her father's "get rich quick schemes" and her beautiful, domineering mother who is skeptical of Western idealism.

With her parents constantly at odds, Hyeseung learns more Korean words for hatred than for love. When the family's fake Gucci business lands them in bankruptcy, Hyeseung starts at a new school where she's immediately singled out with the question, "Can you speak English?"

Growing up, Hyeseung internalizes Western expectations of the "model" Asian-American, striving for approval and getting into an Ivy League school. Yet, she resents the other high-achieving Asian students she meets and clings to her "token" status among her white peers.

In an attempt to reconcile her identity, she takes a trip to Korea, facing an even greater crisis of self, and after a series of shocking events, she is admitted to a psychiatric hospital and ultimately attempts suicide. Marriage to a doting white physicist and a new career as a painter seem to offer refuge—until they don’t.

Unflinching and lyrical, Docile is one woman’s story of subverting the model minority myth, contending with mental illness, and finding her self-worth by looking within.

From Texas sugar cane fields, Ivy League halls to her homeland of South Korea and back again this memoir is a journey through identity crises, mental health struggles, and the quest for selfhood.

...

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ISBN 9780008733438
PRICE £16.99 (GBP)

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Average rating from 13 members


Featured Reviews

Song's memoir gripped me from beginning to end and the best way I can describe Docile is as both a window and a mirror.

A window because Song reflects upon her childhood as a Korean raised in America, to living as an American in Korea in her late teens. An Asian American experience encapsulated by the difficulty in belonging anywhere because of who you are. Song is shaped irrevocably by her mother's love and projection, by her father's absence and determination, and by being the first born, eldest daughter - a state of existence which seems to confound cultural boundaries and settle upon the shoulders of young girls and women everywhere.

This is where Docile becomes a mirror, for me at least, because Song tracks how the above pushed her into a life of perfection - striving for it, thriving upon it, while simultaneously never resting, always over-achieving, never settling for the things that would easily bring her peace. It was the depiction of this heart-aching pressure cooker that left me in tears at the end of this memoir; because Song also writes with the beauty of maturity and hindsight, making Docile an incredibly emotional read at times due to the levels of reflection within Song's recollection.

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Full of emotions and heartbreaking confessions, Docile is a fantastic memoir. As someone who is the descendant of East Asians, I understood a lot of the struggles faced by Hyeseung. Her struggles with metal health, education and finding a purpose rang true and reminded me of the power in novels like this. By giving voice to her struggle she subsequently gives voice to everyone suffering with the same questions she has. As is often the case in life, some of her problems don’t have natural solutions. She fights and claws her way to carve a path for herself and I admire her determination to do so. Well written and brave, I really enjoyed this.

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Docile by Hyeseung Song is a poignant and unflinchingly honest memoir that offers a raw, powerful exploration of identity, mental health, and the impact of cultural expectations. The song recounts her early years as a daughter of Korean immigrants in Texas, caught between the ambitions of her father and the controlling, resentful nature of her mother. From a young age, Song learns more about hatred than love, and when her family’s financial troubles force them to move, she faces the harsh realities of being neither rich nor white in a predominantly white world.

Navigating the complex dynamics of her family, Song internalises the model minority myth and her mother’s high expectations, which lead her to pursue a path of academic success at Ivy League universities. However, this relentless pursuit of “real success” takes a toll, pushing Song into a battle with depression and mania. As she contemplates the depths of her struggles, she enters a psychiatric hospital, where she begins to understand that true healing comes from confronting her own identity and breaking free from the cycle of self-erasure.

Song’s writing is both lyrical and unflinchingly candid, capturing the emotional and psychological battles she faces in a world that demands perfection. Docile is not just a memoir of survival but one of self-reclamation, as Song learns to let go of the societal pressures that have defined her and embrace her true self. This book is an emotional journey through the complexities of Asian American identity, mental illness, and the search for self-worth. It is a beautiful and moving exploration of how one woman finds the strength to heal by shedding the expectations that once defined her.

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Hyeseung shows how her life and feelings evolved . The story really grips you in seeing if with her culture she can become her own person. Born from Korean parents who went to America to start their life, Hyeseung mother tries to rule Hyeseung life and makes her feel guilty if she does not comply.

From the depths of depression throughout her college years and trying to find her way after 9/11. A story that will stay with you long after reading.

Thank you Netgalley for letting me read this.

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Hyeseung has written what feels like a totally unflinching and candid account of the difficulties experienced by those who never quite fit. As an immigrant family in Texas, her father is ambitious for her and wants the best. Her mother is cold and controlling. She’s an outsider in her own domestic world and in the real world where by reason of ethnicity, she doesn’t belong. She’s on a difficult journey to find both herself with counter demands and her place in an often hostile world. Hyseung has given a voice to the many many thousands who must share her issues and I find it brave and honest if her to find the right way to put this into words. It’s not always a comfortable read but it’s one that’s stayed with me and much food for thought about our society and how we treat people.

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Docile was a wonderful and insightful read. It shed great light on life with a mental illness and the challenges and pain that occurs with long periods of depression and insomnia. It took many years for Hyeseung to be properly diagnosed. She, moved with family at a young age from Korea to the United States of America, Houston to be exact. This memoir details her childhood, teen, twenties and into her thirties of life in America as an immigrant. Very academic she is pushed and pressurised by her mother to achieve and for much of her life buts her own wishes and desires for her life aside for others and others ambitions for her. It is an interesting, though painful journey to read as she finally is able to live life in her own terms. She later discovers art, a far cry from the academia and law career that has been expected of her.

The author writes so openly. It is a real unflinching account of a life and is an interesting story in itself. Anyone who has suffered with their mental health and the challenges of depression, I can image would find solace and be able to relate to what she describes experiencing. I myself found this to be so well observed by the author having experienced long periods of depression in my twenties.

Having been brought up in Scotland, never living abroad; I just love to read how another has lived in a place so different to my own country. Hyeseung details her school and university life, her time spent living in New York and also the months she spent in her early twenties living and working in Korea and meeting her family.

I would highly recommend this as a read. I read it in a day, such was its quality- I just couldn't put it down. Approachably and warmly written too. I really loved a book called Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner. Anyone who enjoyed that will enjoy Docile and if you read Docile, Crying in H Mart would be an ideal read. Thank you so much to NetGalley for the chance to read any early release of this book. It is certainly one I will return to and read again.

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Docile: Memoir of a Not So Perfect Asian Girl by Hyeseung Song is a raw, introspective exploration of identity, trauma, and resilience. In this memoir, Song unpacks the pressures of growing up as a Korean American woman in a culture that prizes obedience, perfection, and silence. With unflinching honesty, she examines her struggles with mental health, family expectations, and the desire to reclaim her voice in a world that often demanded she stay quiet.

It’s a powerful narrative that challenges stereotypes, dismantles the model minority myth, and offers a deeply personal account of healing and self-definition. A courageous and compelling read.

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